Sketch: A Steel Paragons MC Novel (The Coast: Book 12) Page 10

  Sketch had thrown a lot at me. I thought I did pretty well listening to it all. At the time, it weighed on me, but the longer it sat there, the heavier it seemed to get. I couldn’t imagine what it was like for him. The fact that he was still standing blew my mind.

  So many people would have given up.

  But not Sketch.

  Without him around, I was allowed to let myself feel. And, oh, how I did. I was scrubbing the shower when the tears just started out of nowhere. My heart was broken for him. For his story and the fact that he’d had to live through that. I couldn’t imagine. Of course, I couldn’t. My life had been easy compared to his. My problems suddenly felt so small and almost pointless. I wasn’t denying myself from feeling how I felt about my life, but it made me realize that if he could make it through what he’d been through, then I could certainly come out okay.

  I dropped the scrubbing brush, causing it to make a loud noise as it hit the tile lining the bottom of the shower. The rubber gloves came off with a snap. I dropped them down too.

  Then I climbed out of the shower and left the bathroom like I was on a mission.

  I couldn’t tell you why I did it.

  Suddenly, I had my phone in my hand and I was calling my ex-husband.

  No, I didn’t want to get back with him. I could say for sure that I didn’t want that simple, but miserable, life back.

  I think I was ready to let go.

  I wanted to so that I could give Sketch my all.

  He deserved everything.

  And while I didn’t think this would fix how I felt about my failed marriage, I figured it was a good first step to moving on. To putting myself back together and finding my new whole.

  I honestly didn’t think Reginald would pick up.

  So I was surprised when I heard his voice on the other end.

  “Melissa?”

  “I hope I’m not interrupting,” I said and though the words could have sounded bitter, they weren’t meant to be.

  Like I said, I was surprised. Stunned, really.

  “Not at all. Is everything alright?”

  His voice was something that I’d always found seductive. It was deep and commanding. Polished and strong, like you would expect a man like him to have. But it lacked so many things for me right now. I found it neither seductive nor sexy.

  “You were a horrible husband,” I told him rather calmly. “And a terrible father.”

  “Is this really the reason you called? Hardly respectable, Melissa.”

  “I don’t care what you think. And I’m not calling to fight or tell you how much I hate you. The thing is, I don’t. I don’t hate you. I’m upset that it took us both this long to finally come to this point. I’m hurt that you left me because of something I couldn’t control. But what I realize is that is all on you, not on me.”

  Damn, this felt good.

  And those last words I’d said to him hit me so hard.

  I was right. It was on him. I suddenly saw my relationship with Sketch in a whole new light. I didn’t mean that I was proud and feeling sexy because I’d landed some young stud. That had almost nothing to do with it. Okay, if I was honest, the fact that he was a lot younger than me did give my self-esteem a little boost, just as much as it frightened me. But my point was, if Sketch could want me, then there was nothing wrong with me.

  He sighed, sounding as if I was annoying him and wasting his time.

  “I just called to wish you congratulations. I really, truly hope you’re happy. And I hope you don’t ruin her life. If you love her, then I wish you the best. But if you don’t, for heaven’s sake, don’t destroy her.”

  “We failed for many reasons,” he told me.

  I sucked in a breath as my hand came up to cover my mouth.

  Reginald had never been one to talk. At one point, I was convinced that he didn’t have feelings at all. He took control of every situation and made the outcome work to how he sought fit.

  “You were wonderful but I could never make you happy. Just like you wouldn’t make me happy.”

  “What does that even mean?” I asked. I knew he wasn’t wrong, but why was he saying these things now?

  “Money was never a motivator for you, and that is all I had to offer. I suppose Tripp was your reason for staying with me. I will admit that I was jealous of how you understood him. I wasn’t a good father, you’re right, but I would never be what you are for him. So, I kept you around for him.”

  Well, that stung.

  Even though it hurt to hear it, I was glad I’d finally found the truth.

  “Then what took so long? He’s been on his own for years.”

  “It’s not easy for a man such as myself to admit that he’d failed.” He didn’t sound sorry about it but his words were enough for me to understand.

  “It’s never too late to fix things with Tripp.”

  He laughed. The sound short and let me know how ridiculous he thought I was being.

  “Always trying to fix everything. One thing I did love about you… as well as hated. I’m just not a person that can accept that things need to be fixed.”

  A heavy sigh escaped me.

  I guessed this was just going to have to be one thing I couldn’t repair. I had no choice but to let it go. At least Tripp had me. And I was glad that I had him, too.

  “Well, good luck on everything,” I told him because I was quite done with this conversation. I let him know that he didn’t ruin me and I found out that it hadn’t been all on me for the marriage failing.

  There was nothing left for me to do but move on.

  “You as well. I hope you find someone that makes you happy.”

  I already have, I thought as I ended the call.

  I felt a million times better.

  I could give Sketch my all now.

  And maybe the call with Reginald had made me realize something I’d been denying all this time. I wouldn’t say that I needed to constantly be fixing something. I swore I wasn’t that person. I didn’t want to fix Sketch. But it made me see that I had a lot of love in me. I loved sharing that love and caring for people. Sketch needed someone to love him. It was really as simple as that. I couldn’t erase his past. I couldn’t make it all go away. But I could be by his side and show him that he deserved to have a good life. God knew he’d been through enough, it was time he finally saw that things would be amazing for him from now on. I’d make sure of it.

  I gathered my things and headed down to the beach.

  Sitting out there in the hot, heavy air, surrounded by the sounds of crashing waves and seagulls, I’d never felt so settled and calm before.

  I let in the ache of everything Sketch had told me. And I became at peace with where my life was headed.

  I let Reginald’s words play out in my head one last time before I let go of my old life.

  There was nothing bad about the fact that I wanted to be with Sketch.

  Nothing mattered but how we felt and how we treated each other.

  Even if he wasn’t ready to let those feelings in, I knew it would hit him one day.

  I smiled knowing I’d be there for that day. I’d be happily waiting for it.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Sketch

  I hadn’t spent nearly enough time with Claire lately. I felt bad. I mean, yeah, she had her own shit going on now, but still. She had a man and a kid. She still was working her ass off at that diner and taking college classes online. Or at least, I thought she was. It kind of felt like a kick in the gut that I didn’t know for sure.

  I knew Cable was doing some shit for the club tonight, so I told him I was bringing his woman some pizza. He hated to leave her alone but he never made her feel smothered by his overprotective giant ass. It was no surprise to see the relief in his face knowing she’d have someone with her for a while while he was takin’ care of shit.

  So then I was grabbing two large pizzas, one with her nasty shit she liked on it and one loaded down with every kind of meat on the menu, and h
eading to her place.

  I couldn’t point out why I felt nervous as I knocked on her apartment door.

  My hands were sweating and it wasn’t just from the heat seeping through the cardboard boxes.

  She still lived in the small apartment I’d helped her get set up with all those years ago. Except now, Cable lived with her. I wondered why they hadn’t moved and you know, gotten a nicer place. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew the answer. Claire didn’t want to take things she hadn’t earned. It didn’t matter that Cable had more than enough to take care of them. Fuck, I bet that guy was rollin’ in it, probably could buy her a nice little house with a fenced-in yard for a dog and all that shit. But that just wasn’t Claire. She would want to be a part of it. Put some money into it to feel like it was really hers. I guessed I understood that. Pride or something. Hell, maybe I didn’t really know. I just liked to be able to say that shit was mine.

  “Hi,” Claire said with a bright smile the moment she opened the door and saw it was me standing there. “You brought me food?”

  “Fuck yeah. Got you one with that shit on it.”

  She laughed and it was music to my ears.

  Knowing that she was safe and happy made me feel like I’d done something right. I’d managed to save someone.

  Those thoughts that always brought me down started to blast in my head.

  While I knew I couldn’t save everyone, I had turned my back on those that had been in my life back then. All the kids I’d tried to keep safe and fed. It always felt like no matter how hard I tried, we never had enough. That was the part that killed me. Knowing you couldn’t stop the things their lives would come to wasn’t easy to live with. I never asked them to do it but you just get to a point you’d do anything to be able to get something in your belly.

  “Sketch?” Claire said and I could hear the pain and concern in her voice.

  “I’m good,” I told her with a forced, playful smile. I wasn’t sure if she ever saw through it because she never said anything. And that was something I was thankful as fuck for.

  “Come in. I was just getting ready to feed Beau.”

  I stepped inside and went to the kitchen right away to set down the food.

  Man, I missed hanging out with her. This night would be easy and just the shit I needed. Stuffing our faces with food and watching mindless TV. Hell, yeah.

  I didn’t even tell her to find something because as soon as she got Beau settled in her arms, she began flipping through shit on the TV.

  I took a seat beside her on the couch and stared down at the kid in her arms. My nephew. Didn’t matter that we didn’t share blood, that little boy was a part of me and the club. I’d do anything to look out for Beau, just like I would Claire and my brothers. And anyone else that I considered family.

  Like she just knew, Claire shifted Beau in my direction and I didn’t hesitate to take him. He was old enough to hold the bottle on his own, so I didn’t have to worry about doing that shit right. He looked up at me, big eyes that were just like his momma’s.

  “You ever think about kids?” Claire asked and more than anything, I wanted to pretend I didn’t hear her question.

  What the fuck could I say?

  It wasn’t until recently that I managed to get shit to come out of my dick. And that was only the first problem. I didn’t think I was dad material. I hadn’t been shown love growing up and I had just recently realized that I could even feel it. I wasn’t sure the kind of love I had to give was kid-appropriate. I didn’t even know what the hell you were supposed to do with kids. I knew showing them how to make money by getting naked was not something they should ever know how to do. Just like I knew that I couldn’t teach them how to bitchslap a ho when they weren’t makin’ what you thought they should be makin’. So what did that leave? I could teach them how to dumpster dive. How to find a place to hunker down for the night and keep one eye open while they slept. Or how about how to stab a person and make it count so they could get away.

  Nah, none of that was shit kids needed to know about.

  Okay, maybe that last one but only as a just-in-case kind of situation.

  Still, I didn’t see a woman like Melissa wanting her kids learning anything like that.

  What the fuck?!

  Why did she have a part in this thought train?

  That was a come-to-Jesus moment for me right there. Or what I assumed people meant by that saying. That shit hit me hard.

  I knew I wanted more with her, but was I really thinking it could be something that serious? More time, yeah, but forever… that wasn’t really me, was it?

  “I don’t know,” I said in a daze. I had no clue how much time had passed since she asked that question but I figured I shouldn’t let the silence go on any longer.

  I looked down at Beau in my arms and smiled back at the cute kid. He had finished his bottle and was now playing with it, but those big eyes were on me. He was like a sponge, taking in every little thing I did.

  Yeah, I didn’t have shit to offer a kid.

  But suddenly I wondered what it would be like to be something greater. To have a better purpose. To have this little thing that looked like me and looked up to me.

  If only I had more to offer…

  “Well, I think you’d make a good dad,” she said and I snapped my gaze up to her. There was no way to hide the utter shock on my face. She giggled and shook her head. “You don’t think so?”

  “Nah,” I said as I looked back down at the kid in my arms. “Got shit to offer something like this. Don’t know the first thing about being a good person, let alone a fuckin’ role model.”

  The silence hung there, thick and suffocating. The fact that she hadn’t said anything was just proof that I was right.

  Then I heard her sniffle.

  Damn. Cable was going to kick my ass for making her cry. Though, to be fair, Claire did cry a lot. Not so much recently, but still.

  It gutted me to see the tears well up and roll down her cheeks.

  “I don’t think I’d be alive if it wasn’t for you,” she whispered. I swallowed hard, unsure of what to say to that.

  If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have ended up in some of the situations she’d found herself lost in. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have been so desperate to find someone to take care of her that she ended up involved with a fucking sex trafficker. She wouldn’t have been addicted to drugs. She wouldn’t—

  “Stop!” she barked. “Whatever you’re thinking, just stop. You are not to blame for any of the things that happened to me, do you hear me?!” Her hand grabbed mine and she held on tight. “You made an impossible situation bearable. You looked out for me— for all of us. You did things no one should have to do to make sure we had food. You kept us safe and when that wasn’t enough for you, you made us laugh. You made us forget. You, Sketch, are one of the best men I’ve ever known.”

  She didn’t see it the way I did. I didn’t bother telling her so because I knew she’d just roll her eyes at me.

  “Sketch, I mean it. We survived. And I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.”

  She looked down at Beau with a smile on her face. It was pure and real and true. It was full of peacefulness and happiness. It wasn’t something that could be faked or forced, which had me replaying her words over and over again in my head.

  “I love you, Sketch,” she said and before I knew it, she was tossing her arms around my neck.

  I shifted Beau in my arms and hugged her back as best as I could with one arm. Beau tried really hard to wrap his little arms around my neck too.

  And I felt that love.

  “Love you, too,” I whispered and I was damn near choked up. I needed to break this moment up before it became too much for me. Except the thing that tumbled out of my mouth was the last thing I really wanted to let slip. “I met someone.”

  Claire gasped as she pulled away from the embrace.

  It was cute the way she looked happy and shocked
at the same time.

  “Tell me. I need all the details,” she said with excitement.

  “Her name’s Melissa.” I paused and almost laughed at the next thing. I knew it would catch her off guard even more. Sometimes I was an evil little fucker. “She’s Tripp’s moms.”

  “No!” she gasped and covered her mouth. Then she busted out laughing. “Now, this is a story I need to hear.”

  I lightly bounced Beau on my lap, surprised at how strong his little legs were. I couldn’t believe how much the kid had grown already.

  Then I went on to tell Claire the story. Well, most of it anyway. She didn’t need to hear about the naked times or the issues I had before that first night with Melissa. And maybe that should have been a big sign there. Not romantic or anything, but considering I said enough for Claire to understand that Melissa was special, meant something. Yeah, Melissa was real fuckin’ special.

  I even told her how I’d opened up to Melissa about my past. And how I’d been shocked that Melissa hadn’t kicked me out after. By the look on her face, Claire didn’t seem to understand why I thought Melissa would put me out. I didn’t get what was so great about me, but whatever.

  I was trying my hardest to let Claire see it wasn’t just about the sex— though my woman did have a pussy to die for. Not that I’d ever say that because Claire and I didn’t need to think those kinds of things about one another. Yeah, we knew the other had sex, just wasn’t the kind of thing that needed to be put in the forefront of our minds.

  I’d always felt protective over Claire. More in like a brotherly sort of way. Never had those kinds of feelings toward her and I was pretty sure she never had them for me. Thank fuck, because the last thing we needed was that kind of complication. She had it good now, and I was happy for her.

  That said, if Cable ever fucked up, I’d be waiting in the shadows to take him out. Didn’t matter that the fucker was three times bigger than me.