Bocca: A Steel Paragons MC Novel Page 20

  I told Rosemarie everything, from beginning to end. I left a lot of things up to her imagination and skimmed over the worst of it, but I had an idea that she understood.

  We talked about the fire and how awful it was. How there was nothing anyone could have done. She let me know that she suspected there was something shady about the news reports. She couldn’t believe that not one person made it out alive. After I explain to her why, she now had the answers to that.

  She grew sad and quiet, but she still held onto me. Not even as she deeply breathed did her body lock up in a way that told me it was too much for her. I prayed that it wasn’t because she was still trying to process everything.

  I didn’t want her to over analyze it. I didn’t want her to go down that road that I was currently walking. I had tried to look at the upside to this whole situation and I needed her to know that she was that. She was the light in all the darkness that was attempting to swallow me whole.

  “I want to hate what happened—and believe me, I fucking do—but I can’t keep thinking that if it hadn’t happened then I would never have met you. It’s fucked up and wrong on so many levels, but I am grateful for that.”

  She took me in for a long moment. Then she kissed me.

  “I don’t like what happened to you. To those girls. But I can’t deny that I’m glad you came into my life.” Her words were soft and if I wasn’t mistaken, her eyes were shining with unleashed tears.

  Now that was all out of the way, I could see her thinking hard. Her brows pinched together as she tried to put everything I’d told her in order. Her lips thinned as she tried to make boxes to put the information in.

  “So is this what your club does? Is this a normal thing?” she asked softly.

  “Sometimes,” I answered vaguely.

  “There’s something you’re leaving out.” It was a statement and because she had lifted her head to look at me, I knew she could read the truth in my eyes. “I had a long talk with Sara Ann. I was…well, just down and kind of moody about things.”

  “Any of those things have to do with me?” I asked with a wink trying to lighten the mood.

  “Yes,” she replied with an eye roll. “My point is that she sort of filled me in on the club. She didn’t go into specifics and I honestly have no clue if she even knows any. But basically, what I got out of it was that you guys are a bunch of gruff saviors, in a way. That whatever it is that you do, you do it with good intentions behind it. And I can’t help but see that what happened is beyond horrible, but it is not your fault. You went in there wanting to end evil and save lives. How can I even hate you for that? And you shouldn’t hate yourself either.”

  Not going to lie, I felt myself tearing up at her words.

  “You’re amazing and beautiful, Bocca.”

  She kissed the marred skin over my heart and I could have sworn I felt her soft lips on my soul. She scooted up, placing her mouth right next to my ear.

  “Free yourself,” she whispered. “None of it was your fault.”

  With a quick kiss to my jaw, she tucked her face into the crook of my neck. It only took a matter of minutes for her breathing to even out, letting me know that she’d fallen asleep. I couldn’t even blame her, I knew she had to be exhausted. I stared blindly up at the ceiling for hours after that, my hand stroking her thick hair over and over.

  Free myself.

  Was it really as simple as that?

  Was it just a matter of letting myself believe that it was?

  I’ll never forget. I might not even ever move on.

  But right here in this room, I believed that it wasn’t my burden to hold onto.

  So instead, I vowed to get revenge for each and every one of those girls. I promised to bring their souls justice, even if it would be the end of me.

  It was only after I accepted that did I allow myself to fall asleep, wrapped in the warmest and most amazing comfort I’d ever had.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Rosemarie

  “This isn’t the end of this right?” I asked unabashedly.

  Something about Bocca set me at ease so much that I didn’t even hold back. I wasn’t afraid to look silly or desperate. I figured that had to mean something and so I just decided to go with it.

  Our clock had run out. Real life was calling and I had to get ready to start my day. I was a little sad but also very much aware that we’d have to return to reality at some point.

  “Oh fuck, no, baby,” he responded as he pulled me in for a long, sweet, torturous kiss that set my body on fire from the inside out.

  I pushed the lust down because there wasn’t time for that. Also, it wasn’t like I hadn’t gotten my fair share the last few days. Bocca wasn’t just all for show, that was for sure.

  “So where do we go from here?” That was the question that I’d been holding back. Part of me was a little scared to hear the answer and the other part of me was just not sure I really needed an answer.

  We had shared a ton of stuff but what I realized was that none of it was anything concrete for the future. We shared our pasts, our upbringings, our favorite things. We were even open and honest about this crazy, intense thing that was between us. But we hadn’t touched on the subject of what came next.

  Inside I was confused and screaming. I was unsure only because he had come into my life and blew up my world. It happened so fast and I had feelings before I really knew him. I could say that our time spent locked away had only made me realize that those feelings weren’t imagined, that I wasn’t clinging to something that wasn’t there because I was desperate or lonely. And I was pretty sure it was the same for him. All it took was one look into his eyes and I could see it so clearly.

  “You’ll text me telling me how much you miss me. I’ll call you because I need to hear your voice. When we get free time, we’ll see each other. Simple as that,” he said and he had that tone…you know, that tone. The one that was all smooth and cocky and knowing. The one that wiped away all my insecurities while at the same time had me rolling my eyes. “You better get in the shower or you’re gonna be late.”

  With a smack to the butt that made me jerk and laugh, I scooted off to get ready to face reality. While it had been nice to live inside this little bubble we’d been staying in, I knew it was time to see if we could make it in the real world.

  As I washed my hair, I thought about how I fell asleep loving the feeling of his fingers combing through it. For such a cocksure guy, he was actually really sweet and attentive. My heart swelled at the memories and I knew that everything would be alright. This wasn’t the end. And while I had an idea that it wasn’t going to be the easiest thing, we’d find time to make it work. Because what we had was real.

  Our goodbye took way longer than I had time for. But I said fuck it in my head and figured I could be late this one time.

  He kissed me and I melted into his arms. He told me he’d see me soon and I told him I couldn’t wait. It was just the right amount of mushy.

  “Well, by that smile on your face and that weird glow you have going on, I’m going to assume things with Bocca turned out great,” Sara Ann greeted me in the employee lounge like she’d been waiting to pounce.

  “You knew!” I scolded playfully, my face turning all shades of red. “You knew when I walked out of here and you didn’t tell me!”

  Her head fell back as she laughed. Clearly, my life was only there for her amusement. I couldn’t be mad though, the surprise was most welcomed.

  “Yeah, I knew,” she said with a shrug as she added sugar to her fresh cup of coffee. “And I am not sorry I didn’t warn you. I would hope you’d do the same for me if I had a hot, firm man waiting for me at my door.”

  We laughed as I closed up my things in my locker.

  “So…things go alright? You aren’t all sad and mopey, so I would assume they went well. Very well, by the ‘I got laid’ vibe you’ve got going on.”

  “Oh, stop it,” I said trying to hide the fact that I was embarrasse
d a little and couldn’t cover up the fact that I had been laid. “Fine! Whatever! Yes, I had sex. Yes, it was amazing. And no, that wasn’t all that we did, though that activity did win out most of the time. We also…talked.”

  “Good talk? Bad Talk? What?” she asked bouncing on the balls of her feet like an excited kid.

  “Oh, look at the time. I’m already late. I need to go start my rounds,” I said heading to the door with a smirk plastered on my face.

  “I’m here for the next twelve hours, you better believe I’m going to get it out of you!” she called after me as I exited the room and put my mind in work mode.

  I had hoped that I caught her on the tail end of her shift instead of smack dab in the middle. But what could be done? And honestly, I was dying to talk to someone about it. The girl part of me was screaming to have an all-out brag and giggle fest with another female.

  The day went on and it turned a little chaotic. Not that I would have expected anything else. But I found that I practically floated through it on a cloud of bliss.

  Sara Ann cornered me when I took my break to shoved down a sandwich in the middle of it all. I just laughed it off and told her that Bocca and I were going to try to make it work. You know, because the chemistry was off the damn charts. Also, there was no way I could downplay or deny how easily we seemed to fit together. I’d never been able to just be like that around someone before.

  Her reply was to tell me that by the way I called out his name, ‘I better not let that sex God go.’ Yes, her words, not mine. I didn’t even try to hide my embarrassment at the fact that she had heard us. She didn’t seem all that bothered by it and waved off my shy apology.

  Due to the lack of sleep and the fact that my schedule had been a little thrown off the last few days, I was dragging the last two hours of my shift. And by the time I clocked out, I was ready to flop in my bed and pass out.

  I drove home thinking how it would be strange tonight. It shouldn’t have, I had been sleeping by myself for a year now.

  I shook my head and practically laughed at how silly I was being. Had I turned into one of those clingy girls and wasn’t even aware of it? No, because I could sleep by myself. I knew that. It just would have been nice to have him here with me. That was all.

  This time when I reached the landing for my floor, I didn’t even bother searching for my phone even though I might have actually had a message this time. Since I wasn’t distracted, I saw him instantly. And the smile that spread on my face was so wide it almost hurt.

  “I, uh, couldn’t stay away,” he said almost sheepishly and then held up some cloth bags of what looked like groceries. “I can’t cook for shit, but I brought a whole bunch of fresh stuff and I am a pro at washing dishes.”

  The bags plopped to the ground as I jumped into his arms and he didn’t think twice to catch me.

  It was some stuff right of out a romance film. I never thought that I’d want something like this but now that I had it, I wanted to make it last every single day.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you.” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. It was a thought, one that I was having right at that moment. Maybe I would have even called it a huge realization. But it was supposed to stay private, locked up, until I could process it.

  “Yeah?” There was no hiding the smile in his eyes. The pure joy he felt that I’d said those words to him. “Me too, baby. Me too.”

  Yeah, this was just the beginning.

  I knew that this was real.

  The circumstances of how we came together were insane and unbelievable, but I had learned not to question it.

  He’d told me that it was me that had found him. It was me that put him back together. It was me that saved him.

  But I believe it was him that had put me back together. It was him that brought my heart to life.

  Epilogue

  Rosemarie

  Life was pretty great.

  It had been six months since Bocca had come into my life and turned it upside down. I’d spend half my week living in Bocca’s room at the compound, and the other half at my condo in the city. I still had my job at the hospital and had no plans to leave. Sure it sucked spending a couple of nights a week lonely in bed, but it was worth it. The nights we spent apart only made the time we came back together more explosive.

  Yes, the sex was still off the charts.

  Yes, I loved him implicitly.

  And yes, I wasn’t going to ever leave him.

  Though things were a bit hectic, I was so happy and wouldn’t change a single thing.

  I officially met the men that had come into my home in search of Bocca, as well as the rest of the club—his brothers, as he called them. I also got to know all their women and couldn’t say that I hated them. In fact, they became so much more than just friends. In the times when things seemed to get insanely tense around us, we came together and held each other up.

  It seemed like overnight I had this huge, loving support system. The moment he brought me home, if you will, I felt what Sara Ann had tried to explain to me. I understood what she meant about these men.

  I also finally learned about how good with computers Bocca was. When he unwillingly told me, I was shocked for a good long while. But it didn’t change how I felt or make me want to run away. Eventually, I understood that he used his hacking skills to mostly do good things.

  Those things we didn’t talk about much. I learned really quickly that there was a code among the brothers and the club.

  Club business was club business.

  And that meant that I didn’t get to know about any of it.

  It took me a while to accept this because I didn’t like being in the dark, especially when I could tell that something was up, but eventually, I did.

  He took me to meet Ethel. I got the sense that she looked out for all of the guys. She was kooky, and that was putting it mildly. The moment she found out I was a nurse, well there came a slew of questions about random things. Things that I didn’t ever want to think about again. She was vibrant and lively, I would say that much. But I learned to love the old lady. She sure kept me on my toes and kept me laughing.

  Bocca and I had talked about the future. While we both wanted that future to include the other, we didn’t see life as a race. We figured we had all the time in the world and right now it was about learning and growing together. It wasn’t like I needed a ring on my finger to know that he was mine.

  Yes, we’d even talked about kids. And yes, we both wanted them. Them, as in more than one. Part of me was excited and couldn’t wait to see what our little offsprings turned out like. I also knew that once that happened, our us time would be cut down significantly. So, I was perfectly happy waiting on that for a little while.

  I wasn’t worried.

  What we had may have been crazy, but it was strong.

  And when I started to feel insecure, all I had to do was look into his eyes to see that he wasn’t going anywhere.

  Bocca

  I was going to make that woman mine. Permanently. I was going to show the world that I loved her beyond reason and that I was never going to let her go.

  Only, I had shit to take care of first.

  I wouldn’t officially ask her until the stuff with the club was settled. I mean, I’d already claimed her as my old lady and that was pretty much like laying down a permanent commitment.

  Even if she didn’t know the details about what was going on, she was smart enough to pick up on the tension and slight anxiety of the clubhouse. The best thing was, at night when it was just the two of us, she did her best to take my mind off of it all. I was completely in love with her and there wasn’t a single second that I doubted that.

  I wouldn’t ever say it out loud, but the decision to keep the whole Keften Jugovac thing in-house was perhaps the wrong move, even if I understood the reason for it. We were good about keeping it quiet too, so none of the other chapters knew. It might have helped that there was so much going
on other than the Keften shit.

  Even with Chris moving to the coast a few months after it happened, it still seemed like they were clueless. Yes, Chris didn’t know anything about what had gone on, but he’d been around the club enough to know when shit was going on. He’d been around the brothers enough to see the shift in the air. But he was also…well, I couldn’t currently think of the right word. Smart. Aware. Caring. Loyal. Any and all of those. So he wouldn’t go running his mouth when we’d asked him not to. It wasn’t a question in my mind, no matter how close he was with Brand, I believed he wouldn’t let anything slip.

  With Axe now at the helm, a lot of things were changing. It was slow at first and I started to question what the hell it was that he was doing.

  Then it all started to click.

  Hey, maybe I didn’t give the guy the credit he deserved. Once I figured it out, I was all on board. And if I had a moment to breathe that wasn’t filled with chaos, then I would have been fucking happy.

  Well, it seemed that the time had come and we could no longer keep what we knew about Keften to ourselves. We needed to bring everyone else in for a multitude of reasons.

  Keften had gone deep underground. I’d been searching. Lucy had been digging. Hell, she had contacts all over that were on high alert for him. But months slipped by and there was nothing.

  If I were a hopeful man, I would have said that somehow we’d shut him down for good. But I was too smart to live in that daydream. I knew guys like him, organizations like his. As long as he was alive then he would always strive for bigger and better. Bigger operation. Better connections. The only thing on his mind was to rise to the top and have all the power and money. For guys like him, there were only minor setbacks. Which was what we gave him when I walked into that warehouse that night and later when Silas and Hunt took out that house full of his men.

  Just when everything seemed lost, Keften started popping up in the strangest of places. It felt like he was taunting us. Like he was calling us out. Like he was standing there mocking us.